For those who have known me way back then (not so way back actually, but before my "hijrah"), you may find it seriously unbelievable or somwhat shocking to know that i've don the hijab now. Just go to the right column, click on any post dated more than a year back.
How do i go about it? What made me do it? And why...? This is my hijrah.. This is my story..
I have one to always forget Allah. He was never of any importance to me till one day, i had a moment of reflect. To most of us, "seru dah sampai". The night before my 29th, i was on my bed, thinking.. What have i achieved in this 29 years as me? The first few answers were simple and straight-forward.
1. Being able to buy myself a Perdana
2. A career path i'm proud of
3. A fiance
I tried sleeping after, thinking that i'm satisfied, i've fulfilled nearly everything on my things -to-do-before-i turn-30 list. But one thing kept me awake. Why was i facing one problem after another. Endless till i nearly hit rock bottom. What was wrong with me? Where did i stray. Like in the movies, ehem :) it came to me. All the parties, all the fun, the drinking, the carefree life, the lies. A life that i was so familiar with. Be grateful was always my mantra. But was i being grateful to the right things; to the right person? Have i ever thanked Allah? Where was my moment with Him? Na-da. I cried of the things that i learned and grew up with but did not practice. The teachings of my ustazah, what mama preached.
Without realising it, the tears just started pouring. Next day, i knew. I just knew that i need to change. Went out for my birthday dinner, grabbed a headscarf, put it on.
Hijab Day 1
It felt different already! Not actually confident with my new self and was kinda afraid to meet my friends or anyone i know for that matters, i was always fidgeting and glass windows became my favorite spot. Do i look ok? Do i look funny? Do i look kampung? I asked my fiance (now my hubby) did i make the right decision. Was i ready?
"Sayang, saya takut saya tak betul2 ready lagi. Mane tau tetiba saye masih rase cam nak enjoy ke.."
"Sayangku.. Dah 29 tahun awak enjoy.. Takkan tak cukup kott enjoy 29 tahun?"
Dad later that day..
"Alhamdulillah... Tapi ayah nak kakak pakai kerana betul2 bersedia dan untuk Allah. Bukan kerana orang."
Hijab Day 2 through week 2 and period
Had to go shopping for wedding stuffs and the weather was hot hot hot! Often telling myself that's its just dugaan. A test of faith. Hey! I managed! I didn't die of heat. Though i did sweat out like a pig! haahahhaaaahah...!
I posted some piccas of the new me on FB. And the response was overwhelming! I was getting all forms of encouragements from all over. Even from those whom i thought would have smirked or raised a brow. I was in disbelieve..
My biggest encouragement was from Yana Ali. I have never met her personally, our interactions was the cyber world but her impact was huge.
Now, after 2 months i am feeling confident and comfortable. I am moving to the next stage. Bringing myself closer to Him. InsyAllah, i won't stray again..
Sheena the Retired lola