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Friday, 25 March 2011

when u've lost all but gained more

Whoosh! When ur troubles attack u all at once, and u feel wheezy and the whole room spins and u can't take it anymore that u hyper ventilate and the tears just cant stop rolling n ur tummy tightens up, this is when u know ur having a panic attack and may get in a state of borderline depression.

That was what happened this morning. it began with me asking myself too many questions and so  the questions became doubts and anger and regret and lost. I lost it. Lucky mr him was there to calm my nerves and get me breathing right again. Yes. I forget how to breath when im having my attacks.

I have not gotten a panic attack this bad for so long. Last i remembered was 3 years ago. That one year of my "trans twilight" state of existence. It always happens when i think too much and worry myself sick. The worst i know  is when i can feel electricity running thru my veins and i feel as though i'll be having a heart attack. Its damn painful, and most of the time, i can't control it. It just happens.

When ayah was admitted into IJN for his bypass surgery, i got it too. It was so bad that i fainted. I was told to see a shrink. Owh no no. I don't think so dude. 

Everytime this happens, i pray and pray hard that i'll stop hyper ventilating. I wish i could just get under the covers and cry. Pathetic i know.. Ergh! I hate it too! Now i realise i so love my husband just for being who he is and loving me for who i am. Panicky or calm.

Never mind that now. Im alright now, just having a bad migraine. Anyoways, the day got better after that sudden jolt. Mr Him treated me to my fav comfort food after his friday prayers. Sup Campur frm Ani Sup Utara. ;)

nyom nyom nyom!

sayang with his new gadget (gift frm mama)
our new gadget (gift frm mama). i'll talk about this later. still tgh mengodek2 lg

his choice of work shoes today ;)



xoxo
sheena the retired lola




1 comment:

bread&butterbyerin said...

heiiii,
i know dat ur find now. but take it easy sheena make a target in live of what you want to be in 10 years n every year do a target on how to achieve it. nothing beats hardwork whether its in family, career, money n personality matters. chill girl ur not the only one i understand n sometimes go throught the same thing.

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